1. So when you say you have a wellness program what you really mean is…

• We did a low carb pie eating contest.
• We subsidize gym memberships.
• We did a Biggest Loser competition.
• We did a Risk Assessment and biometric screening. More than half of our employees took it.
• We offer Weight Watchers at work.
• We have a walking program where we give out pedometers.
• We have an annual wellness planning process where we look at our biggest health risks and set a strategy for tackling those risks in a measurable way.
• If someone's a smoker everyone starts fake coughing the minute they walk into a meeting.

2. We know our program is working because…

• We analyze medical costs, absenteeism, health risks and behaviors, and program participation. The trends indicate improved health behaviors and lower costs.
• I can see a real difference in the kind of things people are eating. And I have seen more people taking the stairs.
• New recruits say our wellness program made an impact on their decision to join the company.
• We've designed surveys to gauge how people perceive the wellness program and what we could do to more effectively market it.

3. We try our best to get people motivated to participate by…

• Offering all employees and spouses can use our Healthy Lifestyles online portal that: tracks every aspect of personal health; offers telephonic coaching; has lots of pretty pictures of healthy people eating fruit. Okay we had to pay everyone $150 just to log in. And, um, no one ever used it again.
• Giving anyone who takes a risk assessment/biometrics screening a hefty premium discount/cash.
• Offering pedometers to anyone who knows the lyrics to "Let's Get Physical."
• Creating teams and competitions where we measure increases in certain types of health behavior (steps, minutes of physical activity, fruit and vegetable consumption).
• Coming up with guerilla outreach efforts spearheaded by our wellness team.

4. If you took an all expense paid trip to Bali for the next six months, what would happen to your wellness program?

• Who am I kidding? If I quit tomorrow the program would be over and no one would even notice.
• So many of our employees have played a role in creating and rolling out our wellness program that I am sure the current wellness team can handle it.
• My assistant would be texting me nonstop asking everything from where are the pedometers to what is the yoga guy's phone number (he didn't show up)?
• Our management team expects us to report on the economic return and other program impacts quarterly and annually so if someone isn't executing, I won't have a job when I get back from Bali.
• My health insurance carrier/EAP recently gave me 5 legal file boxes full of health tips, recipes and other guilt inducing pamphlets that tell people they are worthless, sedentary slugs with no will power if they would rather eat a candy bar than chug a wheat grass shake. I think giving those out while I was gone would probably work.